We lost a dream on this day... Her name is Crimsyn Molli and she was 16 weeks gestation. Looking back on this day I remember the horror like it was yesterday. Finding out my water had broken at 9:45 a.m., being rushed to the ER/admitted at 10:30 a.m., and seeing our daughter on that ultrasound machine motionless by 12:00 p.m. I fell apart! She had passed away two days before my water had broken. My heart was ripped from my chest with no mercy to spare me. I laid there in the hospital bed as blood gushed from her "safe haven" out onto a hospital pad that had been placed underneath my lower extremities. I grieved, I shook, I heaved, I trembled, but with every emotion that ran through my head all I could think about is why us? She was our blessing after years of prayer. I screamed out "NO! Not my Molli. (shaking my head and sobbing heavily) She's alive! Let me see the ultrasound screen." I was in such denial, disbelief, and extreme heartache that I could see no truth in an ultrasound machine that showed my daughter lifeless. She was not dancing (as she always would), no heartbeat to see as I squinted through the tears, and then within these short minutes from being told by a Dr. that she was indeed gone... I finally accepted what had become of our daughter. Just 2.5 hours before all of this I had just awoken to a new morning and rubbed my tummy while saying out loud "Good Morning Baby Girl. I'm sorry Mommy feels so icky today. God is going to protect us though."
They call it a "missed abortion" in medical terms. I call it my daughter who went to meet Jesus leaving behind a trail of broken hearts, dreams, and hopes. I will never forget this day for as long as I live. I will hurt at every year that passes this day by and think of how old would she be now, who would she have become, and what would my grandbabies have been like? These are questions that will never satisfy an answer.
Mommy and Daddy love you so much baby girl!
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