34 Weeks Later

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34 weeks... We think of you every day! You're missed and deeply loved! ♥ CMR ♥

33 Weeks Later

Molli... it hurts Mommy and Daddy when we see baby girl stuff in stores. Zebra print just about brings us to tears everytime. It still hurts when I hear someone say their daughter is the light of their life. Mommy's not jealous or envious of those blessed with a daughter... that is just not how I roll, but instead I am just saddened and broken because I was never given the chance to know mine. I miss you with every breath I take, and my heart breaks when I remember our last moments with you. I lose my breath, it shortens and I can't catch it... I hurt for you so much.

I have poured out my heart to a screen for the past 33 weeks in hopes that it would help me to heal but I fear the worst... I fear that I will never be able to move on.

I have your baby brother to live for now and I thank God for him daily. He looks like his big sister and just this past week he gave us a little smile on his ultrasound scan. He loves music and dancing just like you and he gives Mommy the most awful heartburn JUST as you did too! LOL! I can't wait to meet him and tell him all about you! I look forward to holding him and never putting him down.

Mommy and Daddy miss you, baby girl. That will never change... but my tears for you have gotten harder to cry. It's time that I focus on your baby brother more now. He's trying to make an early debut just as you did but this time Mommy's new doctors caught it in time. Please know we will never forget you, Molli. You are our princess... forever. There is none like you, our tiny dancer. <3 CMR <3

Deja Vu

Tryton Roklin Ruebin at 24.6 weeks!

Baby girl, do I have a story for you! Your baby brother, Tryton, tried to compete with your scary entrance into the world just this past Tuesday. He gave us a good scare. Now Mommy is in the hospital for 4-8 weeks until it's safe for him to make that grand entrance he so desperately wants. I suppose I have diva/miva children?! LOL!

I love you both so much though and couldn't imagine my heart breaking again the way it did when you entered this world in January. Mommy thanks God that her new doctors listened and saved your baby brother's life. Now we just wait for October 11, 2012 and pray he gets here healthy and safe.

Please keep an extra eye out for him. I know you would love to play with him but we'd like to keep him down here with us. Mommy and Daddy love you sweet girl. You are deeply missed. ♥ CMR ♥

32 Weeks Later

I thought I would be stronger by now. I thought the pieces would be picked up and I could move on a little easier... I never imagined losing you ... and remembering how the events unfolded simply sends my heart into a frenzy of emotions. I miss you more than words could ever express. You are my daughter, my baby girl, and were sure to be Mommy's best friend. We miss you so much down here, Mall. Mommy and Daddy love you!

‎32 weeks, 8 months... A heavy heart, a million questions... Mommy sits here on her lunch break at work eating your baby brother's favorite food (Mac & Chz) while he squirms and kicks with obvious approval, and I can't help but to think of you. I can't begin to understand why but I do know I love you more than I have ever loved anyone. You are missed baby girl. Your memory will always remain and part of you will live on in your baby brother. I thank God for him. He looks so much like you already. Y'all would've been the very best of friends.

Mommy and Daddy miss you Mall Bear. We wish more than anything that you were here with us sleeping peacefully in your crib. I could watch you forever at that point, I'm sure of it. I would never leave your side... But now, you watch Mommy as she cries and you have never left my side. If only I could turn back time.

We love you to the moon and back, angel. You are a glimpse of sunshine in Heaven's skies. I'm sure you outshine them all! Goodnight baby girl.
♥ CMR ♥

31 Weeks Later

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31 weeks later and my heart is still so broken. I want you back every single day, I dream of how happy my life would have been had you stayed, and I long to cuddle you in my arms as you would almost be 2 months old by this point. How I've made it this far, I'll never know... The day our doctor told us "her heart isn't beating," Mommy and Daddy's heart stopped too! I know I'll never be the same and the love I have for my Molli will be as rare as a rose blooming in January! I will never be the same. You made us so happy in September yet left us in December... and to this day, Mommy and Daddy are still broken. We miss you Mall! You are so loved here on earth. Irreplaceable! ♥ CMR ♥