I have hesitated writing this and it seems silly now, but here we go! Grab a coffee or if you somehow manage to make it all of the way to the end of this post, I’ll buy you one. Haha! You might need it. 🤷🏼♀️jk jk My behind is too broke for that mess.
J and I knew in December 2017 that we wanted one more baby. We wanted a close sibling for M, like how T and A bond, and one final puzzle piece to complete us. We made plans immediately and it seemed promising.
In January 2018, I found out I was pregnant. I saw my dr, who confirmed it for us. However, due to my many issues with fertility, we miscarried February 7, 2018. My cycle didn’t come like it was supposed to and I developed an infection. We finally fixed me up with meds and by April 2018, we were pregnant again! But once again... we lost that little embryo.
June 2018 and September 2018... same exact story. We were beyond grieved and decided to take a break. January 2019 came and I began birth control per my OB’s suggestion. I had to get my hormones back in tune and it was a complete reset for my body. I came off of them by March 2019 and wanted to ready up to try again.
May 2019 was THE CYCLE! I was so sure of it. I had every symptom, nausea, weird dreams, frequent bathroom breaks, etc. but when the day came to test, it was barely there. I honestly convinced myself I was seeing things because I wanted it so badly. We stopped progesterone therapy and my cycle resumed on schedule. I just assumed it was a failed cycle.
June 2019, last month, I became very ill. I was in the ER with numerous female issues and a UTI to top it. I had extreme pain in my side and unusual bleeding. The ER shrugged me off, gave me an antibiotic for my UTI, and never even checked my reproductive organs! I followed up with my OB/GYN that next week. He’s a saint! IJS!
I was diagnosed with a cyst on my left ovary (gotta love PCOS), a uterine fibroid (we have known about it since Molli was conceived), slight PFD, and an extremely mild uterine prolapse (my OB said he wouldn’t even classify it as stage 1 yet, that it was more “tilted” than anything). I returned home with another antibiotic (my UTI had not improved). Something still felt wrong, completely wrong. I voiced this in his office before leaving and he suggested we order an HSG for my next cycle just to be 100% sure there wasn’t something more.
Y’all... I know my body. After Molli, my body became supersonic like Superman! I can feel every twinge of ovulation, sense any infection, etc. It’s kinda odd. Hah! So back to the whole reason behind this post.
This month, I wanted a clean cycle to prep for my HSG. I avoided J like the plague. Haha! Sorry, hun! I didn’t want to get pregnant until I knew everything was ok internally. I needed to know I wasn’t crazy or imagining this “full feeling” in my female stuff. 🤷🏼♀️🤦🏼♀️
Well... fast forward to last week and my cycle arrived 5 days early. First off, I’m like clockwork. I have a 27-28 day cycle and it’s always on time or even a day late. It’s never early, unless we conceive and progesterone therapy fails (at which point I experience what’s clinically called a chemical pregnancy - I’ve had 12 of those, unfortunately).
This cycle was not typical! The pain and TMI issues were extreme. It was amplified and I was in so much pain that I became nauseous at times and didn’t even want to eat. That’s not like me AT ALL. I love food. 🤣I bought a pregnancy test, even though I felt as though we were good at our timing/avoiding ovulation this last cycle (hence avoiding J like the plague). Alas, I didn’t see anything. I thought... no way. Plus, I had begun my cycle and it wouldn’t be a clean catch so it was iffy.
I called my OB’s office and told them I had begun my cycle prematurely and the nurse moved my HSG date up to fit within the day 5-9 guidelines that their office follows for such procedures. They had one slot available for that week (because it was already booked up) and fit me in!!! I’m so glad they did now. 😰When I arrived for my HSG, I told them my bleeding had become worse and had not ended. I was day 8! This is, also, NOT normal for me.
Yesterday was my HSG. I’ve had one before, many moons ago, before Molli was even conceived. I was diagnosed with a bicornuate uterus and a septum that ran down the middle. A complete septate uterus is the medical term. My fertility specialist at that time removed my septum via outpatient laparoscopic surgery. It hasn’t been a concern since, thankfully!
Now, back to yesterday, we noticed the septum had somewhat grown back (scar tissue mainly). It isn’t like before, but it definitely makes for a cute heart shape. ❤️My OB was least concerned with this, because I still have over a 96% area that’s open for viable implantation of our next baby.
However, when he began to fill my uterus with the dye, my left tube flowed without issue while my right tube froze. He stopped the procedure and called in the radiologist to review the x-ray. The radiologist said it appears to be a polyp, maybe?! And asked my OB in question form. My OB said no, it’s not that. It’s definitely non-viable endometrial tissue. I sat up and bursted out, “an embryo?!” My OB, never wanting his patients to worry, assured me it’s ok and he will try to flush it by forcing more dye through the tube. It appeared as if it was only lodged in my right tube and never tried to implant. After less than 10 seconds of flushing, it finally dislodged and my right tube flowed normally!
I was relieved. I was sad. I was confused. I was ... sad. Was this from my May cycle when we began trying again?! Did this little mass of cells mean I had an ectopic pregnancy that didn’t develop or implant? How thankful I should be that I suffer from progesterone issues and that the embryo didn’t burrow into my tube, causing rupture, significant blood loss, a hysterectomy, a salpingectomy, or even death.
I just have so many questions that even a medical professional probably couldn’t give me a good enough answer to ease my mind, but I also didn’t ask. I was in shock. I expected an HSG with normal results. I expected it to all be in my head. I was paranoid?! But no, my physical pain, extended bleeding, and gut instincts were valid. There was indeed an issue and now, it’s resolved! The pain, full feeling, and bleeding have stopped!
With all of the unknowns and uncertainties, we decided to push forward! Just keep swimming! We got this! My OB has ordered us to return to our usual activities and get back to creating that baby ASAP! Fresh start, clean tubes, healthy uterus, and ovaries that function 99% of the time. 🤦🏼♀️🤣It’s been a long 18 months since that first positive test that broke my heart all over again, but I refuse to sink. 🙌🏻⚓️
Send positive vibes, baby dust, rainbows, unicorns, and whatever else! 🤞🏻🌈Operation “Baby J” is in progress!
Fertility diagnosis: bicornuate uterus with partial septum, PCOS, significant progesterone deficiency, multiple pregnancy loss with 1 second trimester pregnancy loss, and 4G/4G PAI factor.
I’m more than my diagnosis. I have given birth to three, beautiful, healthy sons. Your struggles aren’t always best kept in secrecy. If my story helps others, then it’s worth sharing.
