25 Weeks Later

Molli sucking her thumb at 15.2 weeks! (Credit: 4D Mommies)

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25 weeks later and we still talk about our Mall like she was in the other room sleeping! No, it has not gotten easier. No, we have not "moved on." We miss you everyday, sweet girl. You were the light in our lives and you made it such a wonderful world for those 4 months that we had you here. Mommy and Daddy miss you to the the moon and back! Daddy's baby girl and Mommy's tiny dancer always ... forever in our hearts. We love you Mall Bear! XOXO to Heaven! We can't wait to hold you one day... and even though I know very little about once you get to Heaven, I am so sure that we will be able to hold our angel!

24 Weeks Later

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24 weeks have passed us by so quickly. I never imagined I would be able to stand again after losing you yet here I am... We miss you and still cry for you daily. Today was hard on Mommy because we came to the milestone where we lost you but this time it is in our pregnancy with your baby brother. Mommy was so worried all day even though I know we are taking the medicine needed to keep your baby brother alive in Mommy. I would give everything I own to have known then what I know now. We would have stayed on our medicine with you too, to ensure your safe arrival. Mommy regrets stopping that medicine with you... every single day. Doctors do not know everything. They are trying to get Mommy to stop it with your baby brother but I refuse! It's the reason he is still here after all!

Molli, ...please forgive Mommy. I didn't intentionally fail you, my baby girl. I would have fought tooth and nail to save your life had I known! After 6 months, I still get angry at myself and my doctors. We could have had our dream, our first born, our daughter... here with us! They failed Mommy too. I trusted them.

We love you angel. We longed to hold you and couldn't wait for June 2012 then. Now it breaks my heart to see this month arrive... R.I.P. Mall. I wish I knew how to let you go but I know you are the only hope left in my soul. The hope that dreams do come true, even if they're not exactly how you had originally planned.

Goodnight Mall Bear! Mommy, Daddy, and your brothers love you so very much. We miss you more than words could ever express. Daddy's little girl and Mommy's tiny dancer! ♥

Happy Birthday Molli!

 

 

Crimsyn Molli Ruebin! EDD: 06/12/12 - Mommy's Crimlin and Daddy's baby girl! Our tiny dancer, our miracle, our answered prayer, and a dream come true. Today is your day baby girl! Nobody can rain on this parade. Happy Birthday Molli! You were due to arrive on earth today to me and your Daddy. You were our world then and we still think of you often now. We miss you baby girl. I hope they are having a big party for you up there in the sky. Tell Jesus to sing the chorus of your "Tiny Dancer" song to you for Mommy. I would do it had you arrived here in my arms this morning. "Hold me closer tiny dancer, you had a busy day today!" Happy Birthday baby girl. Today will be remembered by us forever and as each year passes, although you will remain an infant in my memories, I know you'l...l be another year older in reality. We wanted you for years, dreamed of you for the longest, and we were so uber excited about meeting you today. One day when we are in heaven, I hope to sing to you and hold you like I would have here on earth. I pray you know me and your Daddy and that we know you too. I pray we are allowed those moments back with you as you meet your siblings that grew up on earth missing you. You are the big sister! We love you to the moon and back over again and again. Mommy and Daddy hope to release balloons in your honor today as well as celebrate with your FAVORITE Gigi's cupcakes! Happy Birthday baby girl from Mommy, Daddy, lil' bro Tryton, big bro Sunny, and big bro Starbux. We will blow out this candle for you this time... You are never forgotten ♥

23 Weeks Later

It's been 23 weeks now... We would have been 39+ weeks and your due date is tomorrow! Today is very hard for your Mama. I am so broken. I miss you more than anything and would give everything I have to have you back here with me. We prayed for a baby girl, a daughter (after years of trying to conceive). When God answered our prayers with you, we knew you were meant to be even though it was so hard to believe... and then something horrible occured with Mommy's hormone levels, you were lost at 16.2 weeks, and it's been a downward spiral since your death. We miss you so much. It will never be the same. We love you more than we could love anyone... You will always be our first baby, our first daughter. We want you back but that's only because the denial is so strong. It just can't be that I'm pregnant again and with your baby brother at that. I don't understand God sometimes, I'm afraid I never will, but one day I hope to have your baby sister so that I can have a glimpse of what it would have been like to have you, a daughter, a best friend, a shopping buddy, Daddy's little girl, and a mini me! I pray every single day for that healing that will come from another baby girl filling our heart with renewed hope and love. Mommy and Daddy love you baby girl. You have such a special place in our heart... you will NEVER be forgotten. ♥ CMR ♥

22 Weeks Later

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22 weeks and Mommy still misses you! A lot of bad things happened this past weekend which is why Mommy wasn't able to visit you this past Monday. I know you saw it and you understand. I am sorry for missing our special day. I love you so much Molli. You'll always be my baby girl. You are my heart ♥ I'm sorry I failed you and I pray I don't fail your brother, Tryton... Mommy loves you both so much! I'm so blessed to have a daughter and a son! ♥

Meet Your Baby Brother...

^ Baby Tryton ^

We found out today that we are not having your sister after all but your brother instead.  Perhaps God will bless us with your sister one day soon but for now you have a baby brother named Tryton Roklin Ruebin.  I hope he likes us?!  We are so scared because we don't know anything about boys and always saw ourselves with a house full of little girls.  I pray that God knows exactly what he's doing as I close my eyes and trust in him...  Mommy misses you Mall!