Sunday, December 30, 2012

Lost...

51 weeks tomorrow... 1 year since your tiny heart stopped beating. It has yet to get "easier" for me. Mommy misses you. I will cry a river this week as so many emotions flood my memory. You stopped life on earth on 12/31/2011 and on 01/02/2012, you broke our hearts forever.

I will always miss you no matter the days, weeks, or years that will come and go. I will have times of bitterness, bouts of loneliness, and moments of great sadness now that you have left this world. My inner being hurts to hold you just once for I know I would never let go.

To smell the baby aroma on your forehead, kiss those rosy cheeks, run my finger down the bridge of your nose, count all fingers and toes, and tell you how I've longed to hear you cry... I would cause you to stir just so I could wipe a tear fro...m your angelic eye. I would sing to you your song, my tiny dancer while on this earth... I would grace your ears with my lips as I whisper each verse. I could breathe you in with every breath I take... Reassuring you of my unconditional love forever and always. I would glance upon your face and sketch a photo in my mind... I would never forget a grimace, a frown, even a smile, carefully memorizing each line. I would place my finger in your hand while your reflexes take grasp... and I'd remember every sound you made ... every baby gasp.

These are things stolen from me... Memories robbed. Do you sing in your sleep when you're dreaming? Do you giggle out loud? I'll never get the chance to experience any of this now but in my mind you're perfect, and I imagine you to be just as I've described.

I can't believe it's only been a year since I carried you in my tummy. I can believe how hard it's been to cope though. I miss you so much, Molli. The loss of a child is irreparable.

Mommy loves you!
♥ CMR ♥

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