38 Weeks Later

Molli at 10.4 weeks - Her precious foot left such a big print on our hearts!

It has been 38 weeks since my world came crumbling down around me. I couldn't breathe, everything was so surreal, and the pain was so strong that it numbed my senses. I remember being in such shock... Such pain! I can recall it all as if it were yesterday.

Mommy misses you more than anything in this world. I would give it all away just to have you back. Daddy misses you too. He hurts when thinking of his tiny dancer now dancing on those heavenly clouds.

Molli, you are loved always! You are our baby girl forever. One day we will finally hold you in our arms. ♥ CMR ♥

37 Weeks Later

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Crimsyn Molli Ruebin ... this is the month that we first got a positive pregnancy test and discovered we were officially pregnant with our baby girl.  We couldn't believe this miracle.  We had prayed for a baby for years (especially a bouncing baby girl).

Now it's been 37 weeks without my baby girl here with me and her Daddy. We miss you angel. We love you always. ♥ CMR ♥

36 Weeks Later

 

I will walk the steps you will never take here on earth, I will sing the lullabies you never had the chance to memorize, and I will listen to the sound of the rain on our window pane and wipe silent tears.

9 months, 36 weeks, what could this mean for me, for your Daddy, for your baby brother to be? We miss you, Molli. We will always love you and wish you had been given the chance to be here on earth with us.

The pain from losing a child is indescribable and unimaginable. It's one of the hardest things ever handed to me in this life and something I will never be able to "deal" with. It's a coping process and is based on how each individual day hits you.
...

Today I miss you, tomorrow the same, next week too, and the years to come will never soften the pain.
♥ CMR ♥

35 Weeks Later

Today Daddy and I have been going through your nursery and outfitting it for your baby brother's arrival. Daddy had to step out and wipe a few silent tears away... Mommy didn't know this until she happened upon him sitting there mourning you. Still 35 weeks later, our hearts are broken for you sweet angel. Mommy had her crying spell earlier today when she stumbled upon some of the hospital bills from the day they took you from me. It's hard and it never gets easier... we only become more numbed to it and eventually it just hurts too much to remember. We miss you so much, Molli. You are a thought in the corner of our minds, a piece missing from our hearts, and a deep breath we never seem capable of catching. Until a day... ♥ CMR ♥

34 Weeks Later

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34 weeks... We think of you every day! You're missed and deeply loved! ♥ CMR ♥

33 Weeks Later

Molli... it hurts Mommy and Daddy when we see baby girl stuff in stores. Zebra print just about brings us to tears everytime. It still hurts when I hear someone say their daughter is the light of their life. Mommy's not jealous or envious of those blessed with a daughter... that is just not how I roll, but instead I am just saddened and broken because I was never given the chance to know mine. I miss you with every breath I take, and my heart breaks when I remember our last moments with you. I lose my breath, it shortens and I can't catch it... I hurt for you so much.

I have poured out my heart to a screen for the past 33 weeks in hopes that it would help me to heal but I fear the worst... I fear that I will never be able to move on.

I have your baby brother to live for now and I thank God for him daily. He looks like his big sister and just this past week he gave us a little smile on his ultrasound scan. He loves music and dancing just like you and he gives Mommy the most awful heartburn JUST as you did too! LOL! I can't wait to meet him and tell him all about you! I look forward to holding him and never putting him down.

Mommy and Daddy miss you, baby girl. That will never change... but my tears for you have gotten harder to cry. It's time that I focus on your baby brother more now. He's trying to make an early debut just as you did but this time Mommy's new doctors caught it in time. Please know we will never forget you, Molli. You are our princess... forever. There is none like you, our tiny dancer. <3 CMR <3

Deja Vu

Tryton Roklin Ruebin at 24.6 weeks!

Baby girl, do I have a story for you! Your baby brother, Tryton, tried to compete with your scary entrance into the world just this past Tuesday. He gave us a good scare. Now Mommy is in the hospital for 4-8 weeks until it's safe for him to make that grand entrance he so desperately wants. I suppose I have diva/miva children?! LOL!

I love you both so much though and couldn't imagine my heart breaking again the way it did when you entered this world in January. Mommy thanks God that her new doctors listened and saved your baby brother's life. Now we just wait for October 11, 2012 and pray he gets here healthy and safe.

Please keep an extra eye out for him. I know you would love to play with him but we'd like to keep him down here with us. Mommy and Daddy love you sweet girl. You are deeply missed. ♥ CMR ♥