October - Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness

 

I sit here in my living room in complete peace and quiet with only the sound of the fan blowing on me and my puppies... I can't help but wish I could fast forward 8 weeks (or when Try finally decides to debut). I think of late night lullabies, sweet whispers, giggles and cooing noises, the list goes on and on at all the memories we will soon make! 

 

Then I think back to this day, one year ago... I had received a call from my OB confirming 100%, that we had a healthy pregnancy starting to form in my womb. If I could go back to this day in 2011, would I? Well, of course! I will always wish I could have saved Molli... But I praise God for my second chance, my "Try" again, and our unborn son on the way.

 

It's bittersweet now and with October being "Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness" month, it is even heavier on my heart. I pray for those with empty cradles tonight, the ones lighting candles and singing that special lullaby to their baby/babies in the sky. I pray for the broken hearted that are just starting this long, difficult road that we have also traveled recently. May God bless them with their very own rainbow soon and heal their hearts, to learn to forgive, and most of all... to learn to "Try" again. Miracles happen!

Meet Tryton Roklin Ruebin...

I have talked about Molli for the past 39 weeks, publicly and without hesitation.  I have cried, pleaded, bragged, and smiled all while mentioning her name; but there is another person in my life that holds great importance just as our Molli does... his name is Try, and he's Molli's baby brother (due December 6, 2012). 

We found out we were pregnant with him on March 24, 2012 and then on May 30, 2012, found out that he is a he!  We named him 2 days afterwards and have been decking out his nursery with all kinds of goodies since! 



His "decked out" nursery!

His full name is Tryton Roklin Ruebin and today I am 31.3 weeks pregnant with him!  He is very active like his big sister once was and they share similar food cravings.  I can't wait to meet him but wanted to introduce his adorable, cherub-esque face to you guys for now!  Here's Try Try!



Tryton at 31 weeks!

39 Weeks Later



Molli at 15.2 weeks gestation!  She was such a wiggle worm during our very 1st 4D ultrasound!

 

It's been 39 weeks now. This has been one of the hardest weeks yet. Your nursery is no longer yours... Everything that was in there for you has been gently placed in a box and stored in baby brother's closet.

We left a corner of the nursery just for you... Your bunny from Nana sits there with your photographs, memorial figurines, and your "box." It still feels so new and somehow... wrong. :*( You should be here right now. We should be celebrating your 3 month birthday on earth but this was not to be.

Your baby brother is ready to arrive now. He's head down, Mommy's body is ready, and our doctors want one more week to pass before he makes that grand entrance. Please watch over him for us. He is going to need his big sister all his life.
...

We love and miss you, Molli. You are never forgotten.
♥ CMR ♥

38 Weeks Later

Molli at 10.4 weeks - Her precious foot left such a big print on our hearts!

It has been 38 weeks since my world came crumbling down around me. I couldn't breathe, everything was so surreal, and the pain was so strong that it numbed my senses. I remember being in such shock... Such pain! I can recall it all as if it were yesterday.

Mommy misses you more than anything in this world. I would give it all away just to have you back. Daddy misses you too. He hurts when thinking of his tiny dancer now dancing on those heavenly clouds.

Molli, you are loved always! You are our baby girl forever. One day we will finally hold you in our arms. ♥ CMR ♥

37 Weeks Later

‎
Crimsyn Molli Ruebin ... this is the month that we first got a positive pregnancy test and discovered we were officially pregnant with our baby girl.  We couldn't believe this miracle.  We had prayed for a baby for years (especially a bouncing baby girl).

Now it's been 37 weeks without my baby girl here with me and her Daddy. We miss you angel. We love you always. ♥ CMR ♥

36 Weeks Later

 

I will walk the steps you will never take here on earth, I will sing the lullabies you never had the chance to memorize, and I will listen to the sound of the rain on our window pane and wipe silent tears.

9 months, 36 weeks, what could this mean for me, for your Daddy, for your baby brother to be? We miss you, Molli. We will always love you and wish you had been given the chance to be here on earth with us.

The pain from losing a child is indescribable and unimaginable. It's one of the hardest things ever handed to me in this life and something I will never be able to "deal" with. It's a coping process and is based on how each individual day hits you.
...

Today I miss you, tomorrow the same, next week too, and the years to come will never soften the pain.
♥ CMR ♥

35 Weeks Later

Today Daddy and I have been going through your nursery and outfitting it for your baby brother's arrival. Daddy had to step out and wipe a few silent tears away... Mommy didn't know this until she happened upon him sitting there mourning you. Still 35 weeks later, our hearts are broken for you sweet angel. Mommy had her crying spell earlier today when she stumbled upon some of the hospital bills from the day they took you from me. It's hard and it never gets easier... we only become more numbed to it and eventually it just hurts too much to remember. We miss you so much, Molli. You are a thought in the corner of our minds, a piece missing from our hearts, and a deep breath we never seem capable of catching. Until a day... ♥ CMR ♥